Hello my name is Jessica. I am nineteen and trying to find my way in the world .Don't be shy ask me anything, I'm pretty much an open book :3 (Some posts are nsfw if this bothers you avoid the tag)
When I think of how much I’ve hurt you it pains me to the core.. I wish things could have been different. Even though I know I don’t deserve another chance that won’t stop me from asking. I have become so different, I wish I had another chance to prove that to you. You haunt my thoughts, but mostly my dreams, and I can’t make it stop… I was young and dumb and I only wish I could go back and fix this… You were always there for me and I stupidly put you as second best. You are only protecting yourself and it’s selfish of me. I shouldn’t wonder what happened to “You broke down my walls, I’ll always be there for you” it is my own fault. I wish I had one more hockey game, or one more movie. One more coincidental meet up at work, that’s really the only reason I took the job… One more game of Left For Dead 2, or one more bowl of soup while I puked my brains out. Gods, why did I have to be so blind and so rash. You treated me better than anyone ever has or ever will, that is the only thing my mother has ever been right about. You truly were the one that got away and I am having the hardest time accepting you will never be a part of my life again… It is years and many apologies later and I know there is no going back. I wish you had said something to me when that fateful decision unfurled. I wish you had spoken up instead of ignoring me for nearly two years. I can’t blame you though, it’s not your fault. I would gladly walk through the fires of hell just for one more chance. Even after all these years of self loathing and emotional torture I know I can never make it up to you.. I treated you poorly and now you are gone… I will always treasure the memories we did make, I keep the ceramic skull you gave me wherever I go; a reminder of sorts, of what was and never will be. I hope you know that you always were, and always will be, my totes best friend 5evur.
I want to apologize to anyone, some of you much more than others, who knew me before I moved out of my parents’ house. I never knew just how brain-washed I was there. I am so so different now and I am so sorry for all the things I did or didn’t do because of them. I have finally found the base level of who I am, and I am finally growing as my own person. Thank you all for what you have taught me.
